Genuinity and “Famous People”

I’m not quite sure how to handle this in terms of a topic.  There are parts of this which I would have had brought out by the likes of Amanda Palmer, particularly her Patreon stuff.

What happened with that most recently was that I think yesterday (Tuesday of this week) she posted a couple versions of the same song, and asked for some feedback as to which one people preferred.

To me, this is a “no big deal thing” at this point.  Because this is really how things happen.  People like her will ask these kinds of things.  So far, the biggest part about that is she was talking about how much trouble she was having with figuring this out.  This is considered a “no go area,”  “Don’t talk about things being difficult, don’t talk about difficult emotions,” but as far as Amanda Palmer is concerned.  This is a more or less normal type thing lately.

I commented.  I don’t really expect much of a personal response at all from well, pretty much “anyone”.  I often don’t even expect even so much as a public “thank you for your feedback all of you who did so”.  But here Amanda Palmer did something that even with her, I wasn’t expecting…

She posted shortly later, “Hey you guys are so amazing, please let me know how you are finding my posts those of you who are replying to this stuff.” in a lot more words, and in a lot of ways which I’m not sure which I really would feel at all comfortable about.

Putting it that way, really diminishes what she said, but to be more accurate, I would have to quote a private post by her.  What she did, is she gushed at us with an outpouring of genuine gratitude…  Now I know it may feel a little difficult to understand how I could make such a claim.  Especially when talking about a post which is almost entirely “just text”.  There was a picture, and maybe links, or whatever…

Here is the thing which gives me the feeling that it really is genuine.  There was a concert she was performing after the election, and the start of it is kind of her going “This isn’t going to be normal, I am reeling from the election results, and I think everyone else is, so I am just going to try to give you all what we all need, some down quiet time where we just hang out here trying to process.”

It wasn’t normal at all from what I can tell from what I have seen.  But then…  While I’m watching (I know this is what is going to happen, and when roughly it happens, I start to see a lot of “Leonard Cohen has died…  Does Amanda know?”

She didn’t.  She didn’t because the people posting that on the stream are seeing it as the earliest announcements of his passing.  In a few minutes, someone comes on stage and tells her, and she starts to tell the crowd in front of her, and literally falls to her knees crying.  It could look like “melodrama” but this was very much in the moment.  In the end this concert gave much insight for me in terms who she is.

Since that moment…  She has been doing the amazing job she can (as have a few others) in bringing me through what has been going on with me.  This in a way, is very much a public thank you for what she has been offering.

She has been talking a lot about “all the stuff going on”, and also about how “those who are not willing to talk about it (specifically around artists) should lead you to be ‘very scared'”.

At first, I was feeling, I’ll give the artists some space to allow them to do that.  Now, I have decided to stop my “patronage” of two artists who were on Patreon.  Because they were posting nothing about the election, nothing about the political situation.  Initially I felt “no big deal” but then I realized there was none of that for some good long time.  Maybe I simply missed it.  I don’t really know.

Then there are other artists who I support on there who I feel I very much can support despite there wasn’t a word on any of this.  Some, simply because there “wasn’t a word on anything really at all” which means I can’t say they “aren’t talking about it,” they actually are simply “not talking”.  That’s a different thing.  It may well be scary in the sense of “is the silence due to the fact they can’t feel comfortable doing so”.

There is also another artist there who I feel I can support, who hasn’t talked about it.  Why?  Because he has only posted his music, with a bit of information about it.  I don’t believe I have heard him really even do so much as talk about his music, let alone actually talk about anything personal.

Why is this OK?  Now here we are getting in some tricky territory…  There is a big issue here that I am merely speculating on, but the lack of very much (well anything) even vaguely  personal.  I believe that the reason that may well because the extent of personal expression he is able to produce, is that which I actually see there…

I could well merely be providing him “the benefit of the doubt”.  Something I feel unwilling to offer other people.  This relates in part to a different topic which I think is really a huge part of why I have so much damn difficulty with dealing with certain people.

Public ingenuity used as a “business value.”  Minor examples are the “your call is important to us, please wait for next available agent”.  When you want less than 5 minutes?  You may well actually believe it.  When those wait times extend beyond that, your belief that they feel the “call is genuinely important” diminishes.  I have heard cases where a person has called, been put on hold for hours only to be told “our offices are now closed, please call again during regular business hours.”

It does extend far further than that.  It is the “I understand your situation” where there no indication there is any understanding at all, due to when even asking about it results in the “oops I accidentally hung up on you” type event.  It also is part of why I hate things like “Non Violent Communications” instructions, not so much that certain people can’t really help a great deal by that.  And others don’t need it, but can be helped somewhat by it, in part by simply by being better able to express those effects…

But others?  What they think is if they use the formula, they are communicating “non-violently”.  “I feel … when you do … because my need for … is met/unmet could you do (more of that/something different which meets my needs)?” it fits the formula perfectly but the problem is, while if it is genuine, it is great.  If it is a lie, the “non verbals” for some people speak far louder than the verbals (words).

When someone does that to me, even if they are saying something really nice but the non-verbal (things like tone of voice, body language, etcetera) are in conflict with that, all I read is the non-verbals.  They may be “shouting” really loudly “get out of my face, I hate your guts” non-verbally, but they get to defend themself to say “I didn’t say that” when you respond to that, not because they didn’t say it, but they actually didn’t use their words to say it, so it is considered OK to say it very loudly, as long as the words say something entirely different.

Right now, my steam to figure out where further to take this has been exhausted, I’ll leave it here.  This will be a “supported post” on my Patreon, and I’d really like to thank those of you who support me there.  Quite honestly, you really are being frigging amazing to actually do that.

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